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To my friend who is freezing her eggs:

I know life hasn’t been easy for you. I know that at every family and social gathering, people ask you when you will have children. They say that you are so good with children and will make a great mother. Their well-intentioned queries and comments strike a painful chord in your heart. Not a day goes by that you are not reminded of your childlessness.

I know you’re juggling a stressful professional and personal life and putting on a brave smile for the world. People think you have it all because you make it look so easy. But it’s not so simple, I know.

You see your friends, siblings, and peers having children and wonder what is wrong with you. I know you worry about becoming a mother.

You decide to put your emotions aside, be practical and freeze your eggs. The process is expensive, invasive and frustrating. You worry about the side-effects of the cocktail of hormones you have to inject daily in your body. You must endure daily blood tests, ultrasounds and vaginal probes, which leave you feeling humiliated and exhausted. You endure multiple rounds to produce just a few viable eggs. Again, you wonder, what is wrong with me.

You know what? Nothing is wrong with you. You are more than your reproductive system. You are the one others turn to when they need advice. And from how fashionably put-together you are, no one would guess that you love putting on your hiking boots and an old t-shirt to go camping. You aren’t afraid to laugh out loud and be silly and playful with your friends or cry when you have a rough week. The world needs more people like you. Your worthiness as a human being hinges on more than whether you have birthed and raised another life.

You are worthy, intelligent, beautiful and even feminine and maternal enough, regardless of whether you produce enough eggs today or if you have children tomorrow. You are capable of sharing your love with others and with yourself.

This doesn’t mean that you should stop trying. It means you should try being more compassionate toward yourself.

So, my friend who is freezing her eggs, you are enough just the way you are and nothing will ever change that.


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